I am a Teapot

I am a Teapot

I am a teapot. Yes, I am a teapot! You can see me every day, magnificently exposed in Margaret Brown’s Tea Room. Where is it, you wonder? Come visit us, in Trent-on-Mare. You cannot miss it, we are the only decent establishment on the beachfront.

So, yes, I am a teapot. But not an ordinary one. I am an exquisite Wedgwood fine bone china. Not one of those ordinary teapots you will find in those disreputable high street stores, you know. No. I am a purebred Staffordshire, manufactured some while ago (a genuine teapot never reveals its age, obviously). An elegant neck, a sensually curved handle, some delicately painted butterflies and floral motifs, with gold-plated edges. Margaret Brown’s Tea Room has been my home for as long as I can remember. A perfect setting of clear blue walls, delicate chairs and wooden tables, exquisite Egyptian cotton tablecloths and napkins, and, of course, some of Mr Brown’s particularly artistic paintings, here and there. Did I mention the outstanding scent of Mrs Brown’s homemade scones? In all senses, the perfect environment for a teapot of my condition.

Make no mistake, I am the star of the house. A flawless afternoon tea can only be attained with Butterfly (this is my name, besides…). Naturally, I do not proceed on my own. I am assisted by Milk Pot, Sugar Pot, and Teacups and Saucers. But, you know, they are merely extras. Because I am the star of the house! All the others are just… insignificant.

What? Who dares interrupt me? Oh, silly me! It is Clock. Let us see, 2.30pm. Opening time, marvellous! Who will be my primary customers today? A promising young couple? A distinguished barrister with his secretary? Let us take a look… Table 2 (this is my assigned table, if you were wondering)… Oh! A delightful lady and her two children. How dashing! Oh! And an adorable doggy, too. Wonderful!

Boys and girls, showtime! Attention! Mrs Brown is on her way. Everyone, quickly, set the table! Bravo, all in order. Tea leaves getting in. And here comes the hot water. Hat up, pouring in. Ninety degrees exactly, as it should be. Mmm, Indian Orange Pekoe; excellent choice.  Let it brew for five minutes. Ah! And here are the sandwiches, scones, cream, and jam, magnificently laid out on a silver platter. Have I mentioned that they are all homemade?

What is the matter now? Doggy? What is doggy doing? No, the food doesn’t belong to you. Stop jumping! Lady, you should be stricter with your pet. This behaviour is unacceptable in this esteemed establishment.

At last, we begin the service. Attention, pouring tea! Cups get ready. And here we are, everyone is being served. Excellent! Enjoy the finest tea in town. Hey, doggy! Stop jumping! No, not the cloth! Don’t you realise I am standing on the edge of the table? Oh, no! Have mercyyyy….

Ouch! Where am I? Why are those people around me? What happened? … Dear oh dear! I am scattered all over. How embarrassing! Well, I suppose, now I am a delicate fine bone china puzzle. Would you be kind enough to solve me?